The Dating App Profile and the Photoshop Fail

Mark had been using his dating profile picture for three years: a heavily filtered, expertly posed shot where he looked ten pounds lighter and six years younger. It was, essentially, a work of fiction.

He finally secured a date with Sarah, who, judging by her profile, was equally beautiful and digitally enhanced. They met at a trendy, well-lit coffee shop—a choice Mark immediately regretted upon seeing the sheer, revealing clarity of the daylight.

Mark spotted Sarah across the room. She was wearing a massive, floppy straw hat and gigantic sunglasses, but she was definitely the person from the photo.

Sarah, however, clearly did not recognize Mark, which was not a good sign. He walked up to her table.

"Sarah? I'm Mark," he said, extending his hand.

Sarah jumped up, pulling off her sunglasses in shock. "Oh my god. I'm so sorry. I thought you were the waiter."

"No, I'm... I'm the guy from the profile," Mark stammered, feeling the full, crushing weight of his digital deception.

Sarah stared at him, then back at his profile picture on her phone. "That picture... that picture has a jawline. And it was taken in a different decade."

Before the date could devolve further, a man at the table behind them—a very large man in a bright yellow tracksuit—suddenly yelled. "Wait! That's the guy!"

The man pointed a thick finger at Mark. "You're the guy who used my shoulder!"

Mark froze. "I... I have no idea what you're talking about."

The man stood up, looming over them. "My name is Chad! We were at a concert three years ago! You asked me to take a picture of you, right? But you were standing slightly behind me!"

Mark looked at his profile picture. He realized, with a sinking horror, that in order to look slimmer and position his face in the "perfect light," he had cropped out the actual edge of the photo, which showed the massive, muscular shoulder of a complete stranger directly next to his head.

"You photoshopped my shoulder into your dating profile picture!" Chad roared. "People thought I was your twin! I'm getting messages asking about your nutrition plan!"

Sarah burst into uncontrollable laughter. "Wait, you borrowed a stranger's physique to look better?"

Mark tried to flee, but Chad grabbed his arm. "No, buddy! You're paying for my coffee! My shoulder deserves residual income!"

The date was over. Sarah left quickly, still laughing. Mark was left alone, sitting next to a furious man whose biceps were now officially part of Mark’s fraudulent online presence. Mark deleted the dating app immediately, realizing that even digital deception has physical, muscular consequences.